Dreams and Reality

You don’t have to be a spiritual advisor to fully understand this truth: There are dreams, and then, there’s reality. I find myself thinking about this more and more these days. My dreams are probably common for a woman my age — successful career, family, home of my own. But life, “reality,” has a way of working out quite differently then we expect. Take where I’m at now: Job, yes. Family, not so much husband and kids … and now my dad is gone … so it’s me, my pets, and my mom, who lives a few miles away, and my sister, who lives a few hundred miles away. Home of my own, SO NOT HAPPENING!

I had hoped, as had my dad, that I would be in my own home by now, but things quickly change and come the new year I will once again be moving back into my parents’ house. I moved there after college, and then when I went to graduate school. Those times were out of necessity and frugality. This time will be more for companionship and finances. My parents tried about a year ago to sell their house and downsize, but with the market where it is, you can imagine the frustration and utter defeat they felt. Now, it’s just my mom in a too-big-for-one house and me renting a house nearby. Combining our two situations and pooling our finances seems a logical scenario. I’ll admit I’m having a hard time with the whole idea of living with my mom as a single woman in her 30′s. But, when I’m honest with myself and banish the “what will people say” mentality, there is no place I’d rather be. I can’t imagine my mom having to maintain that house by herself — besides the fact of being in the house by herself day in and day out.

So, decision made. Mind grappling slowly and surely. Moving date is set and I will be the one downsizing. Anyone need a sofa? Cheers to the practical and to the joy that can and will be found in the reality realm of being.

Small Treasures

I was looking through pictures on my parents’ camera and found this gem. My mom, sister, and dad on their trip to Cincinnati to visit my sister at the end of September. This must be one of the last pictures we have of dad. I’m so thankful he and my mom were able to celebrate their 44th wedding anniversary with my sister. They also got to see her dance (she’s a professional ballet dancer).

Does Life Get Back to Normal?

The last three weeks have been very difficult without my dad. I’ve done what is necessary — worked, etc., but I haven’t done much else. I’ve talked with several friends and family members about what is “right” for me to do, how I should be acting. When I’m depressed, I tend to draw inward and cut myself off from the world around me. Honestly, I think this is an area of my personality that takes after my dad. He was quite similar in instances of distress.

The resounding response from those I’ve sought counsel from is that whatever I am feeling is ok and understandable during this time. No one grieves alike. No one can tell another that they are not dealing with a loss properly. Right now, all I really want is to snuggle on my couch with my pets and remember my dad. I know, in time, things in my life will regain some sense of normalcy; however, I know that “normal” will be reshaped around the hole in my heart.